Glasses: Yes
Doing an Accent?: No
Accent for Whole Film?: N/A
Hair: Yes
Does He Point At Someone?: Yes
Best Line: "If I keep blinking............it weakens me"
An acting showcase, a masterclass from the master, a rare glimpse behind the facade and an insight into the methodology of Snr Caine.
We begin with Caine overlording a group of students (inc Celia Imrie??) and the audience, firmly putting his generalship into place here and ensuring all know that he is the boss in this room. This is accentuated by lots of pointing and commands - he's in full Lahndahn voice here - to the assistants and crew.
This section mainly relates to the camera, its purpose, how to move around it, what to watch and how to anticipate what may happen during the making of a film.
All great, but this is cut with endless terrifying close up shots of the man.
"The camera is your lover"
"The camera is your belt behind you"
"If you are going to do action or movement.....*point*....Plan It"
Why does this exist? Who conjured it into being? For what purpose? They should be lauded, whoever they are, as this is purest purest gold. Essentially, its an hour of Caine strutting about in front of an audience (he looks nervous at the beginning but soon warms up by professing love to the nearest camera) throwing out bon mots, advice and his personal knowledge of what it takes to be a good actor. All seemingly without stopping to even take his coat off. He points like a fuckin' madman too, almost every line being punctuated with jabs and the occasional double jab.
Along the way, we find some fine insights into MC, (when he's not cadging for fags off the students)
"Always Steal, but only steal from the best. Because what you saw them do.........they stole!"
"I never watch the rushes...everyone buys their yachts at the rushes and goes bankrupt at the premiere"
We then fade out and into the next session, in which the students take the lead and perform some classic Caine scenes, whilst the master observes and dispenses sage wisdom from a bar stool.
We start with Alfie. Not sure about this fellow, he's not very good. Now, acting out an Alfie scene whilst Alfie himself lurks in the background is intimidating enough, but doing when its going to be evaulated?
The boy moves about a lot. Tries pointing. MC chips in with some advice - very good advice - but the younger is visibly more stiff than he was. He keeps blinking too......in spite of being told not to just ten minutes before. Eventually, MC sits in and goes through it, with the gulf in quality between the two clearly apparent as soon as the scene starts again.
Incidentally............why did Caine never direct a film? (I think its safe to assume he'll never do so at this point in his life).
At this point...........its audience question time who soon start barking them out in rapid order. Hold back people, hold back, he's only able to answer so many people at the same time!
Next up - Death Trap......and a sudden line of narration from Caine?? Theres literally one line of voiceover and thats it? Bit like that bizarre moment (of very very many) in Argentos "Phenomena" when theres a sudden line of narration in a film that has no other narration throughout. Oh, OH, had that Caine taken the Donald Pleasance role in that!
But we digress............Celias up and shes doing an accent. The older, more thickset of the male actors ain't up to much either, as he's stiff as a board.
"You have to listen very carefully to every god damned thing he says, cos you don't know what the FUCKING HELL he's gonna say!"
Cut to the students sat at MC's leather shoe'd feet and some direct questions. We learn:
1 - Special effects. Let them explain, then get the stuntman to do it first. Fair enough, I say!
2 - The difficulties of "intimate" scenes. Keep a bottle of throat spray in yer pocket.
Then a peach of a question:
"What makes you decide to do a film, if you get a script? What makes you decide to make it?"
Caine pauses. Shuffles uneasily.
Gives a slightly woolly answer about "is it different?", "career", "is it a challenge?", "what kind of film is it, budget wise" etc etc.
Look mate, we all know the answer. THE CHEQUE
Oh, and we get an answer to why he's never directed a film. "Its too much work. Theres a economic reason to me not doing it" i.e. CASH
Lastly, a scene from Educating Rita is played out and more accents get deployed. The perms been there since the opening of the film. Pretty by numbers this, but we do get a full blow by blow of how Mike does his drunken actings - which, lets be honest, he does an awful lot of the time. Just click on that "drunken master" tag and see how many times he's trotted this routine out on camera.
Nice to finally see how its done, mind. And it is very good, to be fair.
Suddenly, the film ends on this freeze frame for about thirty seconds, after which it fades to black and white, allowing the credits to roll in somber silence.
Outfit of the film. Well, theres only one and its his own clothes - but he's looking pretty damned regal in that leather jacket.
