Deathtrap (1982)

Glasses: No

Doing an Accent?: No

Accent for Whole Film?: N/A

Hair: No

Does He Point At Someone?: Yes

Best Line: "I woke up at the end of the line! .......BLOODY SYMBOLIC!"

Deathtrap, another one that I saw back in the day, when ITV did a mini season of Caine films of a Friday Night, so one could return from the pub, slump down and enjoy some Caineage. From memory, they showed Rio, Scoundrels and Shock as well as this one. 

Oh, for ITV to do something similar nowadays across a couple of Fridays. Less channels, but seemingly more on.

I'd already seen it going in - and this film has a clear moment which all Caine fans remember. If you've seen it, you'll know exactly which scene I'm talking about! I recall uttering a true MC "BLADDY HELL!" when it came the first time I watched, as I was invested in the film fully at that point.

Hence, no major surprises this time around, 20 years later, second viewing. 

Have to say though, this film is pretty good, fairly twisty, Caine is on form, the script works and it was just the ticket after the run of films that Caineology has thrown at me recently. Suffering through Bullseye almost sank the project, I'll openly admit, so seeing a decent little film like this, with much to enjoy was most welcome.

The outline, such as it is, brings us Caine as a playwright who has been very successful in the past, but is in the midst of a dry streak and knocking out flop after flop and getting a tonne of "Shit Sandwich" reviews (hint of the decade to come for Caines career, harsher critics would say. I would point at The Swarm and say he's already there.........), when in the midst of his despair, a student he has taught on a college course some time ago sends him a play "Deathtrap" which is a work of genius.

 So good, in fact, that Caine decides that it would be quite desirable to bump the student off, claim the play as his own and reap the rich rewards that this would bring. 

His (rather lovely) wife is mortified, naturally, and being a rather highly strung person (heart pills on the table, jumping at shadows, screaming whenever Caine quietly comes into a room) simply cannot deal with the prospect of this, especially when after inviting the student over for a coaching session..........they find out that no-one has seen the play, no-one knows where he is, and he's brought all of the copies with him.

So, the wolf begins eyeing the lamb hungrily, so to speak and in more ways than one.

Of course, this being a stage play made into a film, there's a lot more to come, more to watch and many many turns unfolding over the rest of the story.

Honestly, its a solid little film. Not a work of genius, but you could find far worse things to do that sit down with Deathtrap of an evening. I will say as well, that theres a lot to enjoy from watching it a second time. Many hints and small moments that can get overlooked the first time around, but take on a whole new significance when you know how the plot unfolds. Very good.

1. For some reason, the film throws some light touch Suspiria style lighting effects from time to time. As its more or less a single set play, this does wonders in livening things up by starting small and getting larger as we go

2. POST MURDER VICTORY SANDWICH

3.. WINNING CRAVAT

4. Michael Caine Observes and despairs

Outfit of the film: 

Now, this is how one dresses for breakfast. 

Accept nothing less!

Michael Caine: Acting in Film (1987)

Glasses: Yes

Doing an Accent?: No

Accent for Whole Film?: N/A

Hair: Yes

Does He Point At Someone?: Yes

Best Line: "If I keep blinking............it weakens me"

An acting showcase, a masterclass from the master, a rare glimpse behind the facade and an insight into the methodology of Snr Caine.

We begin with Caine overlording a group of students (inc Celia Imrie??) and the audience, firmly putting his generalship into place here and ensuring all know that he is the boss in this room. This is accentuated by lots of pointing and commands - he's in full Lahndahn voice here - to the assistants and crew.

This section mainly relates to the camera, its purpose, how to move around it, what to watch and how to anticipate what may happen during the making of a film. 

All great, but this is cut with endless terrifying close up shots of the man.

"The camera is your lover"

"The camera is your belt behind you"

"If you are going to do action or movement.....*point*....Plan It"

Why does this exist? Who conjured it into being? For what purpose? They should be lauded, whoever they are, as this is purest purest gold. Essentially, its an hour of Caine strutting about in front of an audience (he looks nervous at the beginning but soon warms up by professing love to the nearest camera) throwing out bon mots, advice and his personal knowledge of what it takes to be a good actor. All seemingly without stopping to even take his coat off. He points like a fuckin' madman too, almost every line being punctuated with jabs and the occasional double jab.

Along the way, we find some fine insights into MC, (when he's not cadging for fags off the students)

"Always Steal, but only steal from the best. Because what you saw them do.........they stole!"

"I never watch the rushes...everyone buys their yachts at the rushes and goes bankrupt at the premiere"

We then fade out and into the next session, in which the students take the lead and perform some classic Caine scenes, whilst the master observes and dispenses sage wisdom from a bar stool.

We start with Alfie. Not sure about this fellow, he's not very good. Now, acting out an Alfie scene whilst Alfie himself lurks in the background is intimidating enough, but doing when its going to be evaulated?

The boy moves about a lot. Tries pointing. MC chips in with some advice - very good advice - but the younger is visibly more stiff than he was. He keeps blinking too......in spite of being told not to just ten minutes before. Eventually, MC sits in and goes through it, with the gulf in quality between the two clearly apparent as soon as the scene starts again.

Incidentally............why did Caine never direct a film? (I think its safe to assume he'll never do so at this point in his life).

At this point...........its audience question time who soon start barking them out in rapid order. Hold back people, hold back, he's only able to answer so many people at the same time!

Next up - Death Trap......and a sudden line of narration from Caine?? Theres literally one line of voiceover and thats it? Bit like that bizarre moment (of very very many) in Argentos "Phenomena" when theres a sudden line of narration in a film that has no other narration throughout. Oh, OH, had that Caine taken the Donald Pleasance role in that! 

But we digress............Celias up and shes doing an accent. The older, more thickset of the  male actors ain't up to much either, as he's stiff as a board.

"You have to listen very carefully to every god damned thing he says, cos you don't know what the FUCKING HELL he's gonna say!"

Cut to the students sat at MC's leather shoe'd feet and some direct questions. We learn:

1 - Special effects. Let them explain, then get the stuntman to do it first. Fair enough, I say!

2 - The difficulties of "intimate" scenes. Keep a bottle of throat spray in yer pocket.

Then a peach of a question:

"What makes you decide to do a film, if you get a script? What makes you decide to make it?"

Caine pauses. Shuffles uneasily. 

Gives a slightly woolly answer about "is it different?", "career", "is it a challenge?", "what kind of film is it, budget wise" etc etc.

Look mate, we all know the answer. THE CHEQUE

Oh, and we get an answer to why he's never directed a film. "Its too much work. Theres a economic reason to me not doing it" i.e. CASH

Lastly, a scene from Educating Rita is played out and more accents get deployed. The perms been there since the opening of the film. Pretty by numbers this, but we do get a full blow by blow of how Mike does his drunken actings - which, lets be honest, he does an awful lot of the time. Just click on that "drunken master" tag and see how many times he's trotted this routine out on camera. 

Nice to finally see how its done, mind. And it is very good, to be fair.

Suddenly, the film ends on this freeze frame for about thirty seconds, after which it fades to black and white, allowing the credits to roll in somber silence.

Outfit of the film. Well, theres only one and its his own clothes - but he's looking pretty damned regal in that leather jacket.

The Romantic Englishwoman (1975)

Glasses: Yes

Doing an Accent?: No

Accent for whole film?: N/A

Hair: Yes, and No. Sort of.

Does he point at someone?: Yes


Best line: "What if...............?" (said to a table of general bafflement and confusion)


The Romantic Englishwoman...........a cold Euro cinema feel pervades this film, with its opulent scenes, Yves Saint Laurent styling and general air of chilliness. Great fans of Joesph Losey here at Fortress Mickelwhite, but this one isn't at the top of our favourites. Maybe it needs more Dirk Bogarde? Who knows?

A film of marital distrust and "did she?/didn't she?/is he?/isn't he?", played out over time and with lots of acerbic comments on people who have everything but seemingly still aren't content with what they have and desire change from comfort. The appalling poster displayed up top sort of says it all really.

Caine plays a writer who is quite successful, a homemaker by the look of it, seeing as his wife desperate for adventure and takes herself off on a weekend to Baden Baden (looking wonderful here, I must say) where she meets, briefly, a younger man (Helmut Berger) who claims to be a poet...........but is really a drifter/heroin smuggler/toy boy.

She returns to London, leaving Caine simmering with suspicion about what she's been up to (and her checking that he's not been substituting with the au pair in the meantime. Caine 100% has his eye on her!) and he writes the story into his next narrative being produced.

After an incident causes the "poet" to turn up in Weybridge, he installs himself in their spare room and the mind games really start cranking up.

Eventually, we end up with a flee to the south of France, a gang showdown and a rather open ending.

I dunno. Theres motifs I like about this film (the locales, Losey, the way its all about observing and watching, shabby 70s glamour), but having seen it a number of times now it doesn't quite hang together - apparently a sentiment shared by The Guvnor himself "’The film was not only very convoluted it was also downright grim"

Now, I wouldn't say it was grim, but I certainly wouldn't put this on as a casual watch. Some good elements in there and our boy aquits himself very well - mainly seeing as he does nothing but drink, simmer, type and occasionally explode.

"Cold", sort of sums it up really. Worth watching if you are in the mood for something along these lines and have seen the Night Porter recently, so can't give that another spin you watched it only the other week.



Minutae:

1. A rather magnificent rant. I think, probably the most full on that we've seen Mike give. Did he not have a decent lunch or something, because he's properly savage in this.

Been trying to work.....too much noise.......can't they see I'm attempting to work up here.......'er bloody mates arrived............

2. A mix up sees Glenda returning home to an empty house, rather than the delighted welcome she'd hoped for

"Wheres Mr Fielding?................"

Off killing crooks in Tyneside, by the look of it.




3. Turtleneck overload. Pick a favourite.

4. No wonder she's desperate for adventure, look at his bloody bedside reading material......

5. HELMUT BERGER IN A TESCO.

6. Loving this mini. Oh yes, I'd be having a car of that colour. Its only the fact my wife threatened to flee to Baden Baden "for the waters" that held me back.

7. Magnificent architectural mise en scene. Can't get enough of this shit, personally.

8. Finally, and rather unkindly, the victims of Bergers lifestyle are only credited as "First Mealticket" and "Second Mealticket".

Oh, the indignity!








Outfit of the film. Hmmm, we can't have the turtlenecks alone. So it has to be this rather smart grey tweed two piece, paired with a brown shirt and cream tie. Very nice.