Hair: Yes
Best line: "May I suggest that it is extremely difficult for a man in a grey flannel suit to behave naturally while riding on a horse in the middle of the night whilst waiting for a man to shoot at him?"
An espionage thriller, that sorely underrepresented genre in MC's filmography..........seriously, what is it with spy films and Caine? Every time we sit down with a film, its bloody spy film! We've already considered the ins and outs of this in other genre entries, so shall not devote any more space, other than to say - theres still more of them out there in the filmography!
So, end of WW2 and some "good" Nazis decide to make amends by funnelling cash away to be distributed by their infant children when they come of age. This amount of money, a reasonable $4,500,000,000 is to be used for causes of good and justice in the world.
Our boy, chosen as the lead of this covenant, probably due to age, is currently an established architect (he has his name above the practice), having grown up in America and knowing nothing of his father other than the fact he was a Nazi and therefore a bit of a shit. Once the details of what is unfolding are given to him "heres this money, you are to track the other children down, sign the covenant and then begin your life as a do-gooder. It'll be dangerous, mind you" seems infinitely more preferable to his role as the architect for various commercial designs, so he takes the role on.
And, to be honest, when we first meet Caine he's on site checking drawings with the contractor, so its a stage 5 job. Later, he's getting harrassing phone calls from said contractor, so I don't blame him for scarpering at that point of the project and leaving the associates to sort it out. Who probably dumped it on the part 2s as their case study......but I digress......
We quickly shift to good ol' London (quick sight seeing tour to establish where we are), where The Caine is contacted by various agencies, made to prove himself, is followed by hitmen, proves to be a SHITE spy (some really classy acting choices from Caine here, playing a buffoon amongst serious people) and then goes on a pan European run to get to the final signing of the convenant and the consequences that arise from that. He honestly has't a clue what he's gotten himself wrapped up in.
Bloody good film, I think. In spite of its many flaws, its watchable, entertaining, kinda makes sense and looks rather lovely. Especially as the wonderful Victoria Tennant plays the love interest/main spy and we've been solidly In Love With her ever since seeing her performance in LA Story many moons ago, much to the ongoing chagrin of Mrs Thwaites.
However, it appears that The Holcroft Covenant isn't that popular with critics (well, when have they got it right, really?) or widely seen, but this is the cornerstone work of Caineology:
We Watch Michael Caines Films So You Don't Have To.
So - recommended, but don't expect a high level drama as this veers from revenge to spy to nazi hunting to broad comedy to romance to all sorts of madness. Theres a great ending to this film - good pay off to all the previous running around. A coda wraps all loose ends up nice and tidy.
Music is utterly utterly shit too. Honestly, the worst possible score imaginable - all stabby pastel midi synth jazz nonsense. Terrible. Frankenheimer take note: a bad score like that dates, ages and degrades a film. It may seem "chic" in '85, but let me tell you, by '86 it was already dated.
Observations:
1 - Oddly, this appears to be a Cannon film from thier golden era, but theres no Golan/Globus credit?
It has the Hexagonal seal of quality
And all the bizarro delights that the GoGo boys bring....
.........but not them?
Very odd.
2 - Spy business #1
Drive.
What?
Drive!
I don't know how?
What do you mean? Everyone drives!
3 - Spy business #2
"what I vish to know, Miister Holcroft.......is are you a member of the Neo Nazis?"
Our man is taken aback, rightly. Even when he played a Nazi, they weren't proper Nazis
Cue predictable reaction.
4 - RANDOM CAR EXPLOSION. At this point, the Bad Guys are trying to assassinate Caines mother. For some reason. Who knows? Cannon Film, after all.
Why not just shoot her in the street and use the car to drive away?
5 - Finally, they meet the third child and signatory of the covenant. He turns out to be very gregarious and charming, and our boy is instantly won over, displaying a smile that could feed children and cure illness.
Look at that sheer happiness.
6 - Okay, around halfway through, our notes state "What the fuck is going on?". Things get rather confusing at this point
We get a whores carnival, which Caine enjoys
A high speed chase through the sex district
and Sir Michael Caine CBE, Knight of the Realm, shown how to build a gun whilst in a Berlin sex club, with naked girls mud wrestling at his feet, with numbered whores spinning on a human roulette in the background.
Again, Cannon Film.
7 - That chase and gunfight. Now, this is supposed to be in Berlin, but I highly suspect this was filmed in London, just behind Borough Market, in Montague Close, Nancys Steps and around Southwark Cathedral.
8 - Dutch Angles. Half the film is dutch angles. No, really.
I suspect there was a motif at play here - whenever something dodgy is afoot, we get a dutch angle to display this element of danger in the air.
Outfit of the film: We're partial to a tank top here, but we've never been able to wear one in such a sinister way as Lord Caine, High Priest of Knitwear.
