Jaws the Revenge (1987)

 

Glasses: No.

Doing an accent?: No.

Accent for whole film?: N/A

Hair: Short, so not really a definitive Caine do.

Does he point at someone?: Yes.

Best line: OH SHIT!!!! (whilst being menaced by Jaws)

Michael Caine has won two Oscars. Due to making this rubbish for the CASH, he couldn’t pick up the second one. And that is why we love our Mike. This sequel and franchise killer is not a good film in any way, but it does have some good things in it – it doesn’t get dull at any point and Caine is clearly determined to earn his cheque. I enjoyed it anyway and don’t care what they say.

The Brody family get menaced by a great white with a vendetta, which seeks them out and attempts to devour the bloodline. Somehow, Ellen Brody (the matriarch) has a telepathic link with the fish which is displayed by her sometimes gazing out to sea moodily and knowing why and when the shark is going to attack. Due to losing one son (his “I’ve got an arm off!!” acting was great), her eldest son decides a nice break in the Bahamas where he lives and works would do the trick. Somehow, the shark knows this and follows them out there to exact its Bloody Revenge.

Don’t ask me how, I didn’t write the film. Or why. it’s a shark with a grudge for some reason. I mean, it can’t be the same shark as the other films because they got killed?

Our Caine plays a local pilot and “local character” who is established as a loveable chancer early on and spends the film trotting out anecdotes from his past and attempting to woo Ellen Brody when not boozing, gambling or fishing. And Hoagie is a fine character, I must say. I’d be quite happy to spend a night on the tiles with him. Caine never puts less than 100% into this one and it pays off. So, money well spent from the producers there and Caine can walk away with mortgage payment in his pocket and head held high.

Some things of note about JTR

1 – This film fails utterly to be a thriller. I am mortally terrified of sharks, great whites particularly. Blame watching the original Jaws aged 5 for that. I remember this film coming out as a kid and being real worried by the poster, so it was with a bit of trepidation I pressed play (29 years later). And I watched it without a blink or a flinch, due to the incredibly plasticky shark and fact it was shown so often and lost any menace it could have had. Plus, it roars? Do sharks do that?

2 – The male lead is a dead ringer for 80s John Martyn.

3 – The broken down rusting 4X4 jeep dumped outside the Brodies place in the Bahamas really irritated me for some reason. And it was shown more than once.

4 – The island in the Bahamas, far from being a tropical paradise (revenge driven great white infested waters aside), looked a right dump. Seriously, strike up the Zombie Flesh Eaters theme and the place could have been Matul without a second look. Caine in ZFE is something I probably would enjoy and pay good money for. And theres form for sharks vs zombies in that film, now that I think about it.

5 – Caines miraculous escape from the shark.

"Gimme a hand here for christsake!!" 

“Hoagie?! How the hell did you do that??”

“It wasn’t easy, believe me..............BLADDY HELL, the breath on that thing!!!”

6 – Banana boat shark attack mayhem. Always entertaining. And the fact that post attack, Ellen Brody (in fantastic 80s power dress) gives the sea a sort of “right, this shit just got real!” glare before heading out for some revenge of her own.

Outfit of the film: Not much for our man in this one, being dressed mainly in drab beige. It’ll have to be this fetching double white "Englishman abroad" beachwear ensemble.