The Eagle has Landed (1976)

Glasses: No
Doing an Accent?: Generically upper crust, passing as German.
Accent for whole film?: Yes
Hair: Short.  Blond.  Aryan.
Does he point at someone?: Only the once.


Being a dedicated Cainite is all about management of expectations.  You take what is being offered and make the most of what you're given.  Even the meagrest effort can have the odd moment (a rant, a point, glasses) that justifies the cost and time invested.

That said THE EAGLE HAS LANDED is quite, quite, quite, poor.

Himself is playing Steiner a (surprise!) German Paratrooper, currently in disgrace and sentenced to a penal battalion for trying (and failing) to save a Jewish lady in the opening scene.  It's hard to see this as anything other than a tissue thin cover for making the hero a German soldier circa 1939-45  'Look, he might be wearing a swastika armband, but he's not all bad eh?'

Robert DuVall, an eye-patched, chain-smoking Intelligence officer (and the only cast member to have a go at the accent) is tasked with drawing up a plan to kidnap Winston Churchill from deepest Norfolk.  DuVall picks MC and his men (sensible decision) and Donald Sutherlands louche, smirking, Irish Republican (incomprehensible decision) as the missions advance man.  This is where the film officially starts to fall apart.

Sutherland is a fine actor, but he's bizarre in this one. A wise-quipping, hard drinking, frightfully wigged Irish stereotype doesn't seem like the sort of chap Nazi HQ would heap great responsibility on.  Sutherland seems to have decided that he's in a knockabout comedy and plays his character as such (to be fair, he has form for this, see Heroes, Kellys).

Look, TEHL is a heist film at heart.  And heist films need to let the audience in on (some) of the plan, saving a few twists and surprises for the final reel.  And for all the fart-arsing around there doesn't seem to be much in the way of Plan.  Dress the Germans up as Poles, get them into the village, have them do some exercises to fool the local bumpkins  and then....?  No wonder the Germans lost.

The arrival of JR from Dallas as the commander of the locally based US forces means that we finally get to see some action (albeit of a hokey, stagey, bullshit variety) when the 'Mericans decide to storm the church where Der Deustch have holed up after their piss poor plan turned out to be a piss poor plan.

It is a bad film and punishingly long.  Worst of all, MC doesn't have anything interesting to do.  We can forgive many things here at Caineology Manor, but we can't abide a squandered Mike.

POINTS OF INTEREST

1)

Producers cameo budget well invested in getting DP in.  He plays Himmler as a smarmy, backstabbing, officious and pedantic little goitre and does a fine job.

2)
Donald Sutherland managing to woo the extremely fruity Jenny Agutter within two minutes of meeting despite a) actually dressing like this

...and b) being a Nazi spy.


3)
There was a good hour of the film where the 'Lets Kidnap Winny C' plan isn't mentioned at all.  In fact it's less a 'Nazis steal Churchill' film than it is a 'Mike and the boys are squatting in a church'

4)
It's a charmingly rustic Norfolk village with lovably backwards locals, but it only seems to have a population of 12.  And half of them are German agents.

5) "In a 1976 interview with Photoplay Film Magazine, Michael Caine (Kurt Steiner) claimed that his main reason for accepting this role was that he had turned down Where Eagles Dare (1968) and did not want to turn down another World War II film with "Eagle" in its title."
MCs decision making process is excellently random.

6) Col Steiner is definitely not based on Otto Skorzeny.  No Sir, not at all.

OUTFIT OF THE FILM

Not much choice here, given its a war film.  So first place goes to this snappy, post-raid 'cream roll-neck sweater, black rubber jacket, cap and cigar' combo.  Unfortunately the rest of Caines men are donning the same getup leaving them looking like the worlds most sinister folk band.