Deathtrap (1982)

Glasses: No

Doing an Accent?: No

Accent for Whole Film?: N/A

Hair: No

Does He Point At Someone?: Yes

Best Line: "I woke up at the end of the line! .......BLOODY SYMBOLIC!"

Deathtrap, another one that I saw back in the day, when ITV did a mini season of Caine films of a Friday Night, so one could return from the pub, slump down and enjoy some Caineage. From memory, they showed Rio, Scoundrels and Shock as well as this one. 

Oh, for ITV to do something similar nowadays across a couple of Fridays. Less channels, but seemingly more on.

I'd already seen it going in - and this film has a clear moment which all Caine fans remember. If you've seen it, you'll know exactly which scene I'm talking about! I recall uttering a true MC "BLADDY HELL!" when it came the first time I watched, as I was invested in the film fully at that point.

Hence, no major surprises this time around, 20 years later, second viewing. 

Have to say though, this film is pretty good, fairly twisty, Caine is on form, the script works and it was just the ticket after the run of films that Caineology has thrown at me recently. Suffering through Bullseye almost sank the project, I'll openly admit, so seeing a decent little film like this, with much to enjoy was most welcome.

The outline, such as it is, brings us Caine as a playwright who has been very successful in the past, but is in the midst of a dry streak and knocking out flop after flop and getting a tonne of "Shit Sandwich" reviews (hint of the decade to come for Caines career, harsher critics would say. I would point at The Swarm and say he's already there.........), when in the midst of his despair, a student he has taught on a college course some time ago sends him a play "Deathtrap" which is a work of genius.

 So good, in fact, that Caine decides that it would be quite desirable to bump the student off, claim the play as his own and reap the rich rewards that this would bring. 

His (rather lovely) wife is mortified, naturally, and being a rather highly strung person (heart pills on the table, jumping at shadows, screaming whenever Caine quietly comes into a room) simply cannot deal with the prospect of this, especially when after inviting the student over for a coaching session..........they find out that no-one has seen the play, no-one knows where he is, and he's brought all of the copies with him.

So, the wolf begins eyeing the lamb hungrily, so to speak and in more ways than one.

Of course, this being a stage play made into a film, there's a lot more to come, more to watch and many many turns unfolding over the rest of the story.

Honestly, its a solid little film. Not a work of genius, but you could find far worse things to do that sit down with Deathtrap of an evening. I will say as well, that theres a lot to enjoy from watching it a second time. Many hints and small moments that can get overlooked the first time around, but take on a whole new significance when you know how the plot unfolds. Very good.

1. For some reason, the film throws some light touch Suspiria style lighting effects from time to time. As its more or less a single set play, this does wonders in livening things up by starting small and getting larger as we go

2. POST MURDER VICTORY SANDWICH

3.. WINNING CRAVAT

4. Michael Caine Observes and despairs

Outfit of the film: 

Now, this is how one dresses for breakfast. 

Accept nothing less!

Michael Caine: Acting in Film (1987)

Glasses: Yes

Doing an Accent?: No

Accent for Whole Film?: N/A

Hair: Yes

Does He Point At Someone?: Yes

Best Line: "If I keep blinking............it weakens me"

An acting showcase, a masterclass from the master, a rare glimpse behind the facade and an insight into the methodology of Snr Caine.

We begin with Caine overlording a group of students (inc Celia Imrie??) and the audience, firmly putting his generalship into place here and ensuring all know that he is the boss in this room. This is accentuated by lots of pointing and commands - he's in full Lahndahn voice here - to the assistants and crew.

This section mainly relates to the camera, its purpose, how to move around it, what to watch and how to anticipate what may happen during the making of a film. 

All great, but this is cut with endless terrifying close up shots of the man.

"The camera is your lover"

"The camera is your belt behind you"

"If you are going to do action or movement.....*point*....Plan It"

Why does this exist? Who conjured it into being? For what purpose? They should be lauded, whoever they are, as this is purest purest gold. Essentially, its an hour of Caine strutting about in front of an audience (he looks nervous at the beginning but soon warms up by professing love to the nearest camera) throwing out bon mots, advice and his personal knowledge of what it takes to be a good actor. All seemingly without stopping to even take his coat off. He points like a fuckin' madman too, almost every line being punctuated with jabs and the occasional double jab.

Along the way, we find some fine insights into MC, (when he's not cadging for fags off the students)

"Always Steal, but only steal from the best. Because what you saw them do.........they stole!"

"I never watch the rushes...everyone buys their yachts at the rushes and goes bankrupt at the premiere"

We then fade out and into the next session, in which the students take the lead and perform some classic Caine scenes, whilst the master observes and dispenses sage wisdom from a bar stool.

We start with Alfie. Not sure about this fellow, he's not very good. Now, acting out an Alfie scene whilst Alfie himself lurks in the background is intimidating enough, but doing when its going to be evaulated?

The boy moves about a lot. Tries pointing. MC chips in with some advice - very good advice - but the younger is visibly more stiff than he was. He keeps blinking too......in spite of being told not to just ten minutes before. Eventually, MC sits in and goes through it, with the gulf in quality between the two clearly apparent as soon as the scene starts again.

Incidentally............why did Caine never direct a film? (I think its safe to assume he'll never do so at this point in his life).

At this point...........its audience question time who soon start barking them out in rapid order. Hold back people, hold back, he's only able to answer so many people at the same time!

Next up - Death Trap......and a sudden line of narration from Caine?? Theres literally one line of voiceover and thats it? Bit like that bizarre moment (of very very many) in Argentos "Phenomena" when theres a sudden line of narration in a film that has no other narration throughout. Oh, OH, had that Caine taken the Donald Pleasance role in that! 

But we digress............Celias up and shes doing an accent. The older, more thickset of the  male actors ain't up to much either, as he's stiff as a board.

"You have to listen very carefully to every god damned thing he says, cos you don't know what the FUCKING HELL he's gonna say!"

Cut to the students sat at MC's leather shoe'd feet and some direct questions. We learn:

1 - Special effects. Let them explain, then get the stuntman to do it first. Fair enough, I say!

2 - The difficulties of "intimate" scenes. Keep a bottle of throat spray in yer pocket.

Then a peach of a question:

"What makes you decide to do a film, if you get a script? What makes you decide to make it?"

Caine pauses. Shuffles uneasily. 

Gives a slightly woolly answer about "is it different?", "career", "is it a challenge?", "what kind of film is it, budget wise" etc etc.

Look mate, we all know the answer. THE CHEQUE

Oh, and we get an answer to why he's never directed a film. "Its too much work. Theres a economic reason to me not doing it" i.e. CASH

Lastly, a scene from Educating Rita is played out and more accents get deployed. The perms been there since the opening of the film. Pretty by numbers this, but we do get a full blow by blow of how Mike does his drunken actings - which, lets be honest, he does an awful lot of the time. Just click on that "drunken master" tag and see how many times he's trotted this routine out on camera. 

Nice to finally see how its done, mind. And it is very good, to be fair.

Suddenly, the film ends on this freeze frame for about thirty seconds, after which it fades to black and white, allowing the credits to roll in somber silence.

Outfit of the film. Well, theres only one and its his own clothes - but he's looking pretty damned regal in that leather jacket.

The Holcroft Covenant (1985)

Glasses: No

Doing an Accent?: No. Even though he's suppose to be American

Accent for whole film?: Didn't even bother starting with one

Hair: Yes

Does he point at someone?: Yes



Best line: "May I suggest that it is extremely difficult for a man in a grey flannel suit to behave naturally while riding on a horse in the middle of the night whilst waiting for a man to shoot at him?"

An espionage thriller, that sorely underrepresented genre in MC's filmography..........seriously, what is it with spy films and Caine? Every time we sit down with a film, its bloody spy film! We've already considered the ins and outs of this in other genre entries, so shall not devote any more space, other than to say - theres still more of them out there in the filmography!

So, end of WW2 and some "good" Nazis decide to make amends by funnelling cash away to be distributed by their infant children when they come of age. This amount of money, a reasonable $4,500,000,000 is to be used for causes of good and justice in the world.

Our boy, chosen as the lead of this covenant, probably due to age, is currently an established architect (he has his name above the practice), having grown up in America and knowing nothing of his father other than the fact he was a Nazi and therefore a bit of a shit. Once the details of what is unfolding are given to him "heres this money, you are to track the other children down, sign the covenant and then begin your life as a do-gooder. It'll be dangerous, mind you" seems infinitely more preferable to his role as the architect for various commercial designs, so he takes the role on.

And, to be honest, when we first meet Caine he's on site checking drawings with the contractor, so its a stage 5 job. Later, he's getting harrassing phone calls from said contractor, so I don't blame him for scarpering at that point of the project and leaving the associates to sort it out. Who probably dumped it on the part 2s as their case study......but I digress......

We quickly shift to good ol' London (quick sight seeing tour to establish where we are), where The Caine is contacted by various agencies, made to prove himself, is followed by hitmen, proves to be a SHITE spy (some really classy acting choices from Caine here, playing a buffoon amongst serious people) and then goes on a pan European run to get to the final signing of the convenant and the consequences that arise from that. He honestly has't a clue what he's gotten himself wrapped up in.

Bloody good film, I think. In spite of its many flaws, its watchable, entertaining, kinda makes sense and looks rather lovely. Especially as the wonderful Victoria Tennant plays the love interest/main spy and we've been solidly In Love With her ever since seeing her performance in LA Story many moons ago, much to the ongoing chagrin of Mrs Thwaites.

However, it appears that The Holcroft Covenant isn't that popular with critics (well, when have they got it right, really?) or widely seen, but this is the cornerstone work of Caineology:

 We Watch Michael Caines Films So You Don't Have To.

So - recommended, but don't expect a high level drama as this veers from revenge to spy to nazi hunting to broad comedy to romance to all sorts of madness. Theres a great ending to this film - good pay off to all the previous running around. A coda wraps all loose ends up nice and tidy.


Music is utterly utterly shit too. Honestly, the worst possible score imaginable - all stabby pastel midi synth jazz nonsense. Terrible. Frankenheimer take note: a bad score like that dates, ages and degrades a film. It may seem "chic" in '85, but let me tell you, by '86 it was already dated.


Observations:

1 - Oddly, this appears to be a Cannon film from thier golden era, but theres no Golan/Globus credit?

It has the Hexagonal seal of quality

And all the bizarro delights that the GoGo boys bring....

.........but not them?

Very odd.



2 - Spy business #1

Drive.

What?

Drive!

I don't know how?

What do you mean? Everyone drives!

Not in New York they don't. It takes forever.

3 - Spy business #2

"what I vish to know, Miister Holcroft.......is are you a member of the Neo Nazis?"




Our man is taken aback, rightly. Even when he played a Nazi, they weren't proper Nazis

Cue predictable reaction.

4 - RANDOM CAR EXPLOSION. At this point, the Bad Guys are trying to assassinate Caines mother. For some reason. Who knows? Cannon Film, after all.

Why not just shoot her in the street and use the car to drive away?


5 - Finally, they meet the third child and signatory of the covenant. He turns out to be very gregarious and charming, and our boy is instantly won over, displaying a smile that could feed children and cure illness.

Look at that sheer happiness.


6 - Okay, around halfway through, our notes state "What the fuck is going on?". Things get rather confusing at this point

We get a whores carnival, which Caine enjoys

A high speed chase through the sex district

and Sir Michael Caine CBE, Knight of the Realm, shown how to build a gun whilst in a Berlin sex club, with naked girls mud wrestling at his feet, with numbered whores spinning on a human roulette in the background.

Again, Cannon Film.

7 - That chase and gunfight. Now, this is supposed to be in Berlin, but I highly suspect this was filmed in London, just behind Borough Market, in Montague Close, Nancys Steps and around Southwark Cathedral.

8 - Dutch Angles. Half the film is dutch angles. No, really.

I suspect there was a motif at play here - whenever something dodgy is afoot, we get a dutch angle to display this element of danger in the air.


Outfit of the film: We're partial to a tank top here, but we've never been able to wear one in such a sinister way as Lord Caine, High Priest of Knitwear.

Dressed to Kill (1980)

Glasses: No.

Doing an Accent?: No

Accent for whole film?: N/A

Hair: Yes

Does he point at someone?: Yes. Only quickly, only once.

Best Line: "Are you sexually attracted to me?" said with all the passion of a cold cobra.

In spite of Michael Caine regularly taking the money where offered, he really kept to a higher level of slumming (i.e kept to the highest paying cheque) and never really dipped into the soupcon of the Italian film industry around this point in his career, like so many of his fellow actors of this vintage and  thus meaning that we missed the chance of seeing him appear in something like an Argento or a Martino movie.

BUT, what Dressed to Kill provides is the closest possible version of what Maurice may have been like had he ended up in a giallo. As this is a purest giallo from that master of aping Argento and Hitchock, Brian De Palma (we like De Palma, here at Caineology, for this exact reason). Chock full of the insanity, violence, trenchcoats and sexual subversions that you expect for yr money when watching one of these.

A frustrated married housewife, bored with her rich life and inattentive husband, confides to her doctor (Caine) that she is sexually frustrated and bored, coming on to him (very professionally rebuted, I must say) and later to a random stranger she meets in a gallery. On the way out of this romantic rendezvous, the poor lady is brutally murdered by the classic giallo killer type - razor, trenchcoat, but no trilby.

The only witness to this murder is a plucky high class prostitute trying to make her way off the street, who sets out to investigate the murder with the womans bereaved son (Guy Picciotto). At the same time, Mr Caine begins receiving threatening phone calls from another patient of his, Bobby, who is undergoing a sex change and is claiming to the murder - having stolen Caines razor for use as the murder weapon. Caine undertakes an investigation of his own to find Bobby and to try prevent any further violence.

Highly stylised, very competent, filmed in classic 80s NY and with all the trashy goodness you could desire from a film like this. Caine does well for his money and gives a very strong performance - if a little subdued. Perhaps the knowledge that this is *gasp* a horror film caused him to hold back a little. Who knows?

This is a film of great set pieces and really deserves more than a single watch to take it all in.

1 - Caine has a special drawer in his office designed for holding his shaving gear? In his office? Theres something deviant about the idea of shaving with a cutthroat razor in the workplace. But then seeing Angie Dickinson being attacked with a Gillette safety razor wouldn't have quite the same impact, I suppose.

2 - Some great faces appear in this film:

SIPOWICZ!

That fellow with the hat, off Friday the 13th 2!

LENNY!

 

3 - The most unfortunate romantic afternoon in history.

4 - "You got better motivation than I do. YO ASS!!"

5 - Shitty tacked on ending. Or is this the moment when De Palma really decided to show his pure Italo admiration? This is pure Italo madness gold.

 

We get hugely irregular mental health facilities. Lit for "calming"

 

Saucy nurses.

 

 

An inmates viewing galley

 

 

And yet another Psycho shower scene, this time with horrifying footwear.

 

 

And a twist after a twist after a twist..........none of which really has much to do with the film.

 

Outfit of the film: Slim pickings here as its all very non descript.

Suppose its the pale blue shirt and dark overcoat, but he's massively overshadowed by Sipowicz leathers n collar effect, and he full well knows it.