Double Top

Its an obvious answer to an obvious question really, isn't it?

Always a pleasure to see Snr Caine playing off an old chum. However, Michael.........that jacket

The Whistle Blower (1986)

Glasses: No

Doing an Accent?: No

Accent for whole film?: N/A

Hair: Yes

Does he point at someone?: Yes. Ranty point too.

 

Best Line: "If you believe in all that, why don't you bloody go and live in Russia!?" (that old chestnut!)

 

One genre that tends to appear within the works of Sir Maurice is the spy film, with our man having a reasonably large amount of genre roles in his wallet from Harry Palmer back in the day through to the more recent Kingsman: The Secret Service.

 

Theres probably a good case to be made for MC to be crowned as the best spy actor these shores have produced due to a decent number of killer films within this particular branch of Caineology. The man knows when to simmer, when to tear into the action and when to genuinely ACT in relation to the events unfolding.

 

In "The Whistle Blower" Caine plays a retired officer with some connections to the old firm, now in business, and with a son who works in code breaking and linguistics. Its clear that he loves his son dearly and see's him as the focus of his life, with Caines wife having departed and him not really being much of a socialite.

 

Caine plays this very well by not actually doing a lot on camera other than passively watching and observing the goings on around him - in an ACTORLY way and not a "dunno what I'm supposed to be doing here" way that lesser mortals than Maurice "Muthafuckin'" Mickelwhite would.

 

Now, when the son becomes privy to information that the establishment may not be as upright and square as they should be and the establish begins to move against him.........then its time for the old man to step in and start taking matters into hand and wanting some serious justice.

 

Frankly, its a rather bleak downer of a film, this one. Its not bad per se, but its rather glum autumnal melancholic air is the overriding memory that one takes away from it. It has a futile atmosphere to it, whether by chance or design.

 

Rubbish poster an' all.

 

Minutae.

 

1 - Unintentionally or not, theres a few riffs on the Ipcress File within this film, from the tone of the thing to the particular angles chosen for the cameras. Ol' Harry even turns up as a picture of a younger Caine in the background of his sons flat.

 

2 - A friend of Caines character appears and is wonderfully played by Barry Foster, who steals the film as is his wont. We here at Mickelwhite Towers are confirmed fans of the BF.

LOVELY!!!......LOOOOOVELLY!!!

 

3 - That most 80s of aviation designs, Firefox, makes an appearance at one point, instantly stamping this film with "1980s" in bold.

 

4 - From time to time, Bike Mike finds the need to deploy his "drunken" method of acting. Always a joy, always a pleasure and always welcome. And we get a peach of a scene here with it........cheers, old boy

 

 

5 - Big plot drive is the springing of an exposed Ruski agent............who appears to be none other than esteemed horror icon Garth Marenghi......

 

 

6 - This film takes place in some real grubby locations, what with motorway hotels, smoky pubs and rubbish strewn streets. All of which add to the general atmosphere of the film.

Even the supposedly nice locations (some of which are indeed very nice in real life) look drab.


Outfit of the film.

Slim pickings here as its mostly autumnal overcoats with nary a flamboyant scarf in sight. At least, not until Gielgud turns up. However, when shit gets real..........Jack Carter returns.

 

 

 

 

Water (1985)

Glasses: No

Doing an Accent?: No

Accent for whole film?: N/A
Hair: No

Does he point at someone?: Amazingly.......NO! I thought he was gonna, but no.

 

 

Best Line: "It would seem to the British government that Cascara is the dot above the "i" in Shit!"

 

Water..........bottled water.......a most 1980s subject for a film, no? Lord knows what fee Mr Caine received for this film, but I don't think it could have been more than a drop in the vast ocean of his wealth.

 

We got the man acting as the Governor of Cascara (cue Bromhead accent and mannerisms), a long forgotten British colonial backwater out in the Carribean, a benevolent governor who seems to have gone troppo and is a weed farmer in his spare time. Dastardly American big business with drilling rights return to the island and strike gold, liquid gold!

 

.............no, not oil. WATER! Perrier Water to be exact with an added laxative property. Yep, this is the sort of concept we're dealing with here. As the various factions begin to squabble over who owns what, local rebel forces attempt an uprising and larger scale governments get involved, its up to our Mickey to be the one who has to pour oil on these troubled waters (sorry).

 

I'm sure that in 1985 this must have been very topical, what with the Falklands being recent news, Thatcher impersonations and poking all manner of fun at various establishment figures, but in reality it all falls a bit flat and loses its fizz (sorry). In some ways it reminds me of Carlton Brown of the F.O. a film which covers the same sort of topics, but does it a lot better and in a less obvious manner.

 

Also, Caines wife in this film is so annoying and grating that they really should have thrown her into the sea at some point.

 

So, a reasonable nothing of a film really. This one does what it aims to do, but theres much better out there. I designate it a rating of Highland Spring

 

Right, interesting details:

 

1 - The music. We got chirpy upbeat reggae throughout this baby..........by EDDY GRANT no less!

 

 

 

 2 - This film is an absolutely overflowing (sorry) with character actors doing their thing.

We got Leonard Rossiter as an uptight stiff arsed governmental figure. (alas, no Cinzano.)

Fulton Mackay as a dishelleved drunken stoner priest

The wonderful Fred Gwynne as a good ol' boy Texas oil baron.

Billy Connolly, no less, as a singing rebel revolutionary. His characters trait of singing all his lines gets pretty tired, pretty bloody quickly, let me tell you. 

4- Eventually, this all leads up to a plea to the UN in the form of a protest song being hollered out by the Big Yin. Not the best way of appealing for help, frankly, but what can you do?

Even the people he's supposed to be appealing on behalf of know this is a bloody terrible song and idea, but what can they........wait who's tha........???

.....wha????

How did they get in there????

Cue sans Macca happy ending

Outfit of the film. Hmmmm, theres a lot of snazzy troppo shirts being worn by Snr Caine. But the hat takes it.

Vignettes #1

Another grate performance.

He has many talents, does Mr Caine.....

... but we wouldn't say philosophising is one of them.

Blame it on Rio (1985)

Glasses: Yes

Doing an Accent?: No

Accent for whole film?: N/A
Hair: Yes

Does he point at someone?: Yes, with a flipper no less.

Best line: "make love to me" "I'm 20 years older than you!" "28." "..........25?"

Two things first of all:

1 - This film is a wrong un. Just think about these statements - "The first time I kissed you, it was at your christening" or "I used to have such a crush on your Father" ".............me too" (spoken by his daughter!!) before heading in.

2 - Caines floating disembodied head and collar in that poster above.

It would be fair, and I don't think Mike would disagree with this, to say that Caine was slumming it on a regular basis at this point in his career. Had he slummed it any further in this film, he might as well have filmed it in the Favela. The script must have read decently enough, being rather snappy with the one liners, but this doesn't translate too well onto the screen. 

The film purports to be a bright comedy of errors for the family to chuckle along to............or is it the unwitting document of something else?

We open with scenes of harrowing nightmarish figures, writhing in pastel turmoil, the product of mental torment, perhaps brought by the effects of a neon sleeping environ?

Then cut to a figure - nervous looking. rambling. confessional.

The tale then unfolds of Caines "unwilling" seduction by his best friends daughter on a family trip to Rio in a time of marital stress and the wife not being around.

UNWILLING

UNWILLING

UNWILLING

"I am not someone who hangs around schoolyards in a raincoat!"

He's innocent. He fell into it. He tried to stop it from continuing!

CONFESS.

CONFESS

Along the way, theres some wonderful showdown between the two fathers, forced into sharing a bed for the night and full of mutual loathing.

GIMME SOME!

GIMME HALF!!!

Random grooving bongo dudes

And.......er.........gentlemen being shaved in the street.

Outfit of the film.
Caine seeks professional help (rightly!) and is correctly dressed for the ceremony.