Deadfall (1968)

Glasses: No

Doing an Accent?: No

Accent for whole film?: No

Hair: No

Does he point at someone?: Yes


Best Line: "He doesn't have to like it, he's a philosopher"

Deadfall........a long remembered film for us at Caineology, mainly due to strong memory of having it recorded on a video many years ago and the tape running out about an hour in, post heist. Yes, kids, this used to happen all of the time.  You had to work for your film viewings back then - especially if the film was due to be shown after the late night golf and ended up being cancelled due to the golf overrunning. I mean, what is more important - seeing the finale to the golf being played out or my being able to watch Horror Hospital at 11.55 on a Saturday night on BBC2?  Purest white heat outrage when they did that, I tell you. I think my splenetic ravings awoke Mrs Caineology in the next room. But I digress.


Now, in our minds, Deadfall was a great heist film full of sunny med vibes, a languid atmosphere and cool 68 threads. And it is, lets not get that wrong, but then we watched the other hour of the film........


Our Man plays a brilliant cat burglar, currently working on a big job by getting himself into a boozers drying out clinic and becoming friendly with a member of the local super rich. Whilst there, an approach is made from a seductive wife of another, older, jewel thief proposing a partnership/proxy job.


After some deliberation between parties, they agree to work together and pull a warm up job before the main act, played out in a rather fantastic 20 mins of live concert (John Barry conducting! I think he still had the same suit on when I saw him conduct at the South Bank around ten years ago) intercut with the robbery being carried out, scored by the music shown on screen. Superb cinema and certainly our strongest memory of the film that carried across the years. Lets leave aside the slightly absurd method of getting on that windowsill, the "Deadfall" itself, which would either:


1 - Tear your arms from your sockets, or.........
2 - Leave you in a broken legged sobbing mess waiting for the security to arrive, or.......
3 - both of the above.


Great - and then onto the second hour, which manages to highlight why having a strong sequence like this in the middle of a heist film isn't always the best idea as the film runs flat almost straight afterwards and turns into a domestic drama/sordid secrets/mind games film, but a really bloody tedious one.


By god it needed something in the second half. Something. I can take slow film, I can take vibin' over action, I'm really quite happy to let lush scenery and fashion wash over me........but this one was really testing my patience - and we rarely, if ever, switch a film off halfway through. We've never sit through half this crap on our boys CV if we did.


So - watch the first hour, pretend the film finishes there. Maybe prior to the old boy turning up at the beach house. Thats about 75 mins worth of decent film right there.




Minutae


1 - Whats with all the seagulls? Solarised ones, cuts to them at random moments, shots of them screeching about the place. Maybe they mean something? Symbolism, man, symbolism.


2 - This film was apparently a £1,000,000 job but ended up looking about as costly as an episode of The Persuaders. Actually, I could see our Roger doing this one.


3 - Michael Caine dressed as a matador attempting to seduce a woman whilst holding a sausage on a stick.

4 - Strikingly, this film seems to share a lot with Caines other 1968 entry "The Magus" which I actually prefer of the two. And going by the rep that one has, that should tell you something. It seems as though they were done under contract to 20th Century Fox - but the boy had no memory of signing the contract and nor did his agent. The swinging sixties to blame there, I think. Perhaps that explains his general somnambulistic approach to the proceedings in both?


5 - Its night. Its dark. You are about to scale and burgle an enormous house next to a main road and a seemingly busy river. What do you choose to wear for this?

 Beige turtleneck, beige slacks, beige shoes.

Blending with the sandstone building, I suppose? Theres a reason ninjas wear black, mate, theres a reason. But then the classic burglar top is breton stripes, so who knows?

Speaking of which

5 - you've taken the time to sneak into the place, drug the dogs and carefully plan it for when the owners are out and the security is eating their dinner. At night. In silence.

So what do you do when the safe proves awkward?

 

Get a hammer and chisel.

Beat the utter shit out of the wall.

 

Remove safe and lug it across the courtyard.


How much noise did that make?


I mean, 10/10 for effort, Mike, but 1/10 for the victims not realising they've been turned over and allowing clear getaway, fencing the goods and erasing suspicion time.




Outfit of the film: Plenty of sharp suits in great colours and cuts. So much to choose from, so lets go for this casual light lunch ensemble

The Holcroft Covenant (1985)

Glasses: No

Doing an Accent?: No. Even though he's suppose to be American

Accent for whole film?: Didn't even bother starting with one

Hair: Yes

Does he point at someone?: Yes



Best line: "May I suggest that it is extremely difficult for a man in a grey flannel suit to behave naturally while riding on a horse in the middle of the night whilst waiting for a man to shoot at him?"

An espionage thriller, that sorely underrepresented genre in MC's filmography..........seriously, what is it with spy films and Caine? Every time we sit down with a film, its bloody spy film! We've already considered the ins and outs of this in other genre entries, so shall not devote any more space, other than to say - theres still more of them out there in the filmography!

So, end of WW2 and some "good" Nazis decide to make amends by funnelling cash away to be distributed by their infant children when they come of age. This amount of money, a reasonable $4,500,000,000 is to be used for causes of good and justice in the world.

Our boy, chosen as the lead of this covenant, probably due to age, is currently an established architect (he has his name above the practice), having grown up in America and knowing nothing of his father other than the fact he was a Nazi and therefore a bit of a shit. Once the details of what is unfolding are given to him "heres this money, you are to track the other children down, sign the covenant and then begin your life as a do-gooder. It'll be dangerous, mind you" seems infinitely more preferable to his role as the architect for various commercial designs, so he takes the role on.

And, to be honest, when we first meet Caine he's on site checking drawings with the contractor, so its a stage 5 job. Later, he's getting harrassing phone calls from said contractor, so I don't blame him for scarpering at that point of the project and leaving the associates to sort it out. Who probably dumped it on the part 2s as their case study......but I digress......

We quickly shift to good ol' London (quick sight seeing tour to establish where we are), where The Caine is contacted by various agencies, made to prove himself, is followed by hitmen, proves to be a SHITE spy (some really classy acting choices from Caine here, playing a buffoon amongst serious people) and then goes on a pan European run to get to the final signing of the convenant and the consequences that arise from that. He honestly has't a clue what he's gotten himself wrapped up in.

Bloody good film, I think. In spite of its many flaws, its watchable, entertaining, kinda makes sense and looks rather lovely. Especially as the wonderful Victoria Tennant plays the love interest/main spy and we've been solidly In Love With her ever since seeing her performance in LA Story many moons ago, much to the ongoing chagrin of Mrs Thwaites.

However, it appears that The Holcroft Covenant isn't that popular with critics (well, when have they got it right, really?) or widely seen, but this is the cornerstone work of Caineology:

 We Watch Michael Caines Films So You Don't Have To.

So - recommended, but don't expect a high level drama as this veers from revenge to spy to nazi hunting to broad comedy to romance to all sorts of madness. Theres a great ending to this film - good pay off to all the previous running around. A coda wraps all loose ends up nice and tidy.


Music is utterly utterly shit too. Honestly, the worst possible score imaginable - all stabby pastel midi synth jazz nonsense. Terrible. Frankenheimer take note: a bad score like that dates, ages and degrades a film. It may seem "chic" in '85, but let me tell you, by '86 it was already dated.


Observations:

1 - Oddly, this appears to be a Cannon film from thier golden era, but theres no Golan/Globus credit?

It has the Hexagonal seal of quality

And all the bizarro delights that the GoGo boys bring....

.........but not them?

Very odd.



2 - Spy business #1

Drive.

What?

Drive!

I don't know how?

What do you mean? Everyone drives!

Not in New York they don't. It takes forever.

3 - Spy business #2

"what I vish to know, Miister Holcroft.......is are you a member of the Neo Nazis?"




Our man is taken aback, rightly. Even when he played a Nazi, they weren't proper Nazis

Cue predictable reaction.

4 - RANDOM CAR EXPLOSION. At this point, the Bad Guys are trying to assassinate Caines mother. For some reason. Who knows? Cannon Film, after all.

Why not just shoot her in the street and use the car to drive away?


5 - Finally, they meet the third child and signatory of the covenant. He turns out to be very gregarious and charming, and our boy is instantly won over, displaying a smile that could feed children and cure illness.

Look at that sheer happiness.


6 - Okay, around halfway through, our notes state "What the fuck is going on?". Things get rather confusing at this point

We get a whores carnival, which Caine enjoys

A high speed chase through the sex district

and Sir Michael Caine CBE, Knight of the Realm, shown how to build a gun whilst in a Berlin sex club, with naked girls mud wrestling at his feet, with numbered whores spinning on a human roulette in the background.

Again, Cannon Film.

7 - That chase and gunfight. Now, this is supposed to be in Berlin, but I highly suspect this was filmed in London, just behind Borough Market, in Montague Close, Nancys Steps and around Southwark Cathedral.

8 - Dutch Angles. Half the film is dutch angles. No, really.

I suspect there was a motif at play here - whenever something dodgy is afoot, we get a dutch angle to display this element of danger in the air.


Outfit of the film: We're partial to a tank top here, but we've never been able to wear one in such a sinister way as Lord Caine, High Priest of Knitwear.

The Romantic Englishwoman (1975)

Glasses: Yes

Doing an Accent?: No

Accent for whole film?: N/A

Hair: Yes, and No. Sort of.

Does he point at someone?: Yes


Best line: "What if...............?" (said to a table of general bafflement and confusion)


The Romantic Englishwoman...........a cold Euro cinema feel pervades this film, with its opulent scenes, Yves Saint Laurent styling and general air of chilliness. Great fans of Joesph Losey here at Fortress Mickelwhite, but this one isn't at the top of our favourites. Maybe it needs more Dirk Bogarde? Who knows?

A film of marital distrust and "did she?/didn't she?/is he?/isn't he?", played out over time and with lots of acerbic comments on people who have everything but seemingly still aren't content with what they have and desire change from comfort. The appalling poster displayed up top sort of says it all really.

Caine plays a writer who is quite successful, a homemaker by the look of it, seeing as his wife desperate for adventure and takes herself off on a weekend to Baden Baden (looking wonderful here, I must say) where she meets, briefly, a younger man (Helmut Berger) who claims to be a poet...........but is really a drifter/heroin smuggler/toy boy.

She returns to London, leaving Caine simmering with suspicion about what she's been up to (and her checking that he's not been substituting with the au pair in the meantime. Caine 100% has his eye on her!) and he writes the story into his next narrative being produced.

After an incident causes the "poet" to turn up in Weybridge, he installs himself in their spare room and the mind games really start cranking up.

Eventually, we end up with a flee to the south of France, a gang showdown and a rather open ending.

I dunno. Theres motifs I like about this film (the locales, Losey, the way its all about observing and watching, shabby 70s glamour), but having seen it a number of times now it doesn't quite hang together - apparently a sentiment shared by The Guvnor himself "’The film was not only very convoluted it was also downright grim"

Now, I wouldn't say it was grim, but I certainly wouldn't put this on as a casual watch. Some good elements in there and our boy aquits himself very well - mainly seeing as he does nothing but drink, simmer, type and occasionally explode.

"Cold", sort of sums it up really. Worth watching if you are in the mood for something along these lines and have seen the Night Porter recently, so can't give that another spin you watched it only the other week.



Minutae:

1. A rather magnificent rant. I think, probably the most full on that we've seen Mike give. Did he not have a decent lunch or something, because he's properly savage in this.

Been trying to work.....too much noise.......can't they see I'm attempting to work up here.......'er bloody mates arrived............

2. A mix up sees Glenda returning home to an empty house, rather than the delighted welcome she'd hoped for

"Wheres Mr Fielding?................"

Off killing crooks in Tyneside, by the look of it.




3. Turtleneck overload. Pick a favourite.

4. No wonder she's desperate for adventure, look at his bloody bedside reading material......

5. HELMUT BERGER IN A TESCO.

6. Loving this mini. Oh yes, I'd be having a car of that colour. Its only the fact my wife threatened to flee to Baden Baden "for the waters" that held me back.

7. Magnificent architectural mise en scene. Can't get enough of this shit, personally.

8. Finally, and rather unkindly, the victims of Bergers lifestyle are only credited as "First Mealticket" and "Second Mealticket".

Oh, the indignity!








Outfit of the film. Hmmm, we can't have the turtlenecks alone. So it has to be this rather smart grey tweed two piece, paired with a brown shirt and cream tie. Very nice.