Best Line: Too many to mention. See #1. The Man Who Would Be King.......a cornerstone of Mount Mickelwhite and in our humble opinion, one of the greatest films made. So all hope of this being an objective review is straight off from the start. A perfect film, made at the right time with the right people, and the Connery/Caine pairing finds these two at the very peak of their powers and playing off one another superbly. Set in1882 India, the film tells the tale of Daniel Dravot (Connery) and Peachy Carnehan (Caine), two English (oh Sean, no wonder you look pissed off for half the film) ex army sergeant rogues and gentleman who decide that India is too small for them, so set off on an adventure into Kafiristan, to be crowned kings and to make their fortunes. A true ripping yarn, if ever there was one, as we follow them on this quest. The underlying key to this film is the nature of it really being about friendship and when they are together, they can do anything, but if the cracks appear between them.......then all may be lost. A perfect story and really theres no "skip" bit of this one, its all good from beginning to end. Although, with it being so manly, you'll probably need to shave by the end of the film as it promotes testosterone production in all those who view. Take heed. Apparently John Huston had been trying to make the film for the best part of 20 years, with various pairings being mooted over time, but the project taking as long as it ensured it was done correctly. (although I think the proposed Burton and O'Toole pairing may have been meritorious) Now if you'll excuse us, we have business at Malware Junction......... #1 - There is a plethora, a veritable horde, an embarrassing amount of "best lines" in this film making it impossible to choose one. Some choice picks: "We're going to teach you soldiering, the worlds noblest profession. When we're done with you, you'll be able to slaughter your enemies like civilised men." "Not Gods - Englishmen. The next best thing." "Not for us, thank you. Not after watching Afghans come howling down out of the hills and taking battlefield command when all the officers have copped it." "Well if a Greek can do it, we can do it" #2 - The Contract. or "Contrak" Prior to setting out, Danny and Peachy sign a contract binding one another to the adventure ahead and to ensure things are done properly. 1 - That you and me will settle this thing together. i.e to be Kings of Kafiristan 2 - No liquor, no women 3 - Conduct ourselves with dignity and discretion, and if one gets into trouble, the other will stay by him. All legally signed and witnessed, to make things above board. Connery drinks his last with savour
(note "Contrak")
3 - HATS ON!
4 - Later, when temptation arises (as it normally does in these sorts of scenarios), it leads to a wonderful exchange between our two heroes:
"Danny, lets go find safety in battle."
Which they duly do in the redcoats, no less! This makes total sense seeing as they are proud ex soldiers of classical British imperial pomp.It may be a dusty bowl in the depths of the middle east, but this is an army led by British gentlemen.
5 - The indignant faces of Sean Connery
Luckily, our Daniel is a charmer or he'd a right grumpy sod, even by Connery standards. Who, as we all know, does a fine line in indignant pride, leading to the wonderfully defiant "CUT, YOU BUGGERS!!" line.
Outfit of the film: A plethora of choices here, with the redcoat very nearly taking it, but I was rather taken with this raffish "fur bonnet, scarf over the shoulder, rustic chic" effort Caine effortlessly pulls off.
Does he point at someone?: Yes. But only with one hand.
Best Line: "MANDRO ISN'T POGO!"
What a film. On the one side, this is exactly what Caineology is about........on the other, this film is bloody terrible. A very early Oliver Stone film (who appears in a drunken cameo as a victim to...............THE HAND) and a very very, well I'm not quite sure what - dedicated perhaps? - Caine.
The man really throws himself into this one, but never really comes across as anything other than CAINE even when acting the part of John Lansdale, a comic artist (yeah, I know - Caine as a comic artist? Disbelief shattered straight off) who enjoys living the country life but is in marital problems and on the point of separating from his wife and child.
Whilst having a domestic with Mrs Lansdale in the car and gesticulating madly/pointing at her in a rage, an accident happens and means that he suffers the loss of his hand...............THE HAND. Obviously, as an artist, this means the end of his career and forces him to readjust. His wife sticks by him, but its clear that they will end up going their separate ways as they move back into New York during Winter and the old troubles start again alongside her desire for a new life.
But, this ain't no domestic drama, oh no, this is a disembodied hand film and gives us plenty of what we want from a disembodied hand film. i.e. people being menaced by a rubbery device and flailing about pretending to be strangled whilst holding it to their throats. And this film does NOT disappoint on that front!
Caine becomes obsessed with going out on a limb to solve this mystery of his living hand and all manner of insanity follows over the next hour.
To be fair, this film has its good points, but really its not a good film at all..........its just a bit flat. Its a bad film, but not a truly awful one. Entertaining enough, I suppose. Without Caine, this would have been properly shite.
Apparently, Caine was pleased with the success of his previous horror film (Dressed to Kill) and "was interested in making another horror film to earn enough to put a down payment on a new garage he was having built"
And that is why we love you, Michael Caine.
(Also - a point to Stone for showing Caines titular hand before we actually see Caine himself.)
Details:
1 - We should really start with the hand off scene (more on that later).
That impassioned acting is the force of a man knowing he's getting a new garage at the end of this.
2 - Michael Caine Disapproves of your Life.
Disapproval of Life Coaching
Disapproval of yoga
Disapproval of your life choices.
3 - We get Hand PoV. Well, if yer gonna have PoV, may as well go full bore.
4 - New York. Winter. 1981.
Beautiful....and with All That Jazz showing? What more?
5 - Later in the film, Caine takes a teaching position out in California. Comes complete with wonderfully cosy pied-à-terre
Where there is little else to do but drink J&B all night.
6 - The return of Drunken Mike. Did he have lessons in drunken acting or just relive some of those nights out with O'Toole in the 70s, I wonder?
7 - Never mind THE HAND, this film should be subtitled THE HAIR.
8 - Finally, at one point a heartbroken MC takes a moody drive out into the night to get away from his problems whilst cranking a bit of Blondie and staring into the road. Never had Caine pegged as a Blondie fan. Maybe that explains why he went to New York?
Outfit of the film - a few to choose from, but we're partial to a good leather jacket around here at Mount Mickelwhite. Looks like a Lewis Dominator, maybe?
